0 to 60 in…

0.                 I own 27 bibles

1.                 I like to read (but I’ve been really lazy lately)

2.                 I wish I were ambidextrous

3.                 I don’t like wearing my glasses, but certain people have changed my mind about that, so I’ll wear them around a select few

4.                 I want to serve as a college pastor one day

5.                 I could wear my rainbows year round if I wanted

6.                 I’ve never successfully been able to grow my hair out when I’ve wanted to…. I am trying to grow it out right now…. any bets?

7.                 this is my favorite number

8.                 I’ve been to the hospital 3 times…. my knee (bad sprain), my hand (first and only time I’ve had stitches) and my eye (severely scratched cornea)

9.                 I drive a Jeep and love it

10.             my favorite bible translations are NLT and ESV

11.             I don’t really like my smile

12.             I want to learn to play guitar, I own 2 of them

13.             I don’t really have a favorite color, but it used to be blue, then red, then it was blue again…most recently it’s been green

14.             War of the Worlds, Cars and Superman Returns are the only movies I’ve seen in the theater more than once

15.             I’ve had 4 jobs so far (restaurant, UNC Charlotte, Christian bookstore, Billy Graham Evangelistic Association)

16.             I’ve had 9 different cell phones and used 3 different services, Verizon has been the best so far

17.             and yes, I am addicted to my blackberry

18.             but I really want an iPhone

19.             or the new blackberry storm

20.             I really really really want to move out and get my own place, but I don’t have the monies right now…dumb

21.             I went to UNCC for 2 years, I was a Business Management/Accounting major…

22.             …then I switched my major to Psychology…right before dropping all my classes and to date have NOT gone back to finish

23.             I think I would like to live in Nashville or somewhere in Florida one day

24.             I played lacrosse in high school

25.             I’ve never had a messy room, but my room has been getting progressively messier the past few weeks

26.             I am 26

27.             there are 27 days left in the year

28.             Oh…and 26 is NOT old

29.             looking back, I wish I had played soccer growing up

30.             I like snowboarding even though I really suck at it…. I WILL get better

31.             the last time I did one of these random fact things was a whole lot easier, not sure why

32.             wow…. I’m only ½ way done with this list….

33.             I have some kind of A.D.D. I just know it…. and I’m a tad bit O.C.D. with certain things

34.             I think Transformers may be one of my favorite movies…

35.             oh, and Iron man…Anchorman…21…Blood Diamond…

36.             I would like to visit Europe or Australia someday…

37.             I wish I had a suite (or sweet) accent

38.             I have lived in 2 states, have only been to 6, driven through 10, have friends from at least 12 and would like to visit all 50

39.             I like both Macs and PCs…weird!

40.             NEWS FLASH!!! I’m far from perfect

41.             I can’t swim, never really tried since I’ve never been a water person, but…

42.             I like the beach and I’d like to own a pool in my backyard one day

43.             I always get complimented on my eyes and my phone voice

44.             I am a very open and honest person and like it

45.             I own a lot of shoes

46.             my brother is my best friend

47.             he got married this year…I always knew he’d beat me to the altar haha…and yes that makes me sad

48.             I sing in my car, in my room and a few other places, but NOT the shower

49.             I love dogs…just not my family’s dog…he’s mean

50.             I was voted best all around business student in my class in high school

51.             speaking of voting…this was the first presidential election that I have ever voted in…my guy lost haha

52.             I am ticklish

53.             I do not like my middle name

54.             I’m really bad (or good?) at bumping into people and not remembering where I know them from….

55.             …I usually remember about 15-30 minutes after running into them

56.             I don’t have any “famous” friends, but most of my friends do, so I have connections, sweet!

57.             I’m a pretty quick study and like learning new things

58.             I do occasionally watch the national geographic channel which happens to be channel # 58

59.             I’m a noble steed? What?

60.             okay so I know I cheated on a few of these but oh well…enjoy! I was bored!

Aristotle said I am a rational animal; I say I am an angel with an incredible capacity for beer…

When I get honest, I admit I am a bundle of paradoxes. I believe and I doubt, I hope and I get discouraged, I love and I hate, I feel bad about feeling good, I feel guilty about not feeling guilty, I am trusting and suspicious. I am honest and I still play games. Aristotle said I am a rational animal; I say I am an angel with an incredible capacity for beer.

To live by grace means to acknowledge my whole life story, the light side and the dark. In admitting my shadow side, I learn who I am and what God’s grace means. As Thomas Merton put it, “A saint is not someone who is good but who experiences the goodness of God.”

[Brennan Manning, Ragamuffin Gospel, 25]

⁴ But God is so rich in mercy, and he loved us so much, ⁵ that even though we were dead because of our sins, he gave us life when he raised Christ from the dead. (It is only by God’s grace that you have been saved!) ⁶ For he raised us from the dead along with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ Jesus. ⁷ So God can point to us in all future ages as examples of the incredible wealth of his grace and kindness toward us, as shown in all he has done for us who are united with Christ Jesus.

⁸ God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God. ⁹ Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it. ¹⁰ For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.

[Ephesians 2.4 - 10, New Living Translation SE]

Who are you? Who am I?

What defines you?

Time to get honest with ourselves.

Speaking of time, I’m out of it. Late. Fun.

I pray that we all experience God’s unconditional love and mercy, showered with grace today.

Grace and peace my fellow paradoxes.

I’m dying…

Ok. I’m not really dying, at least not any faster than normal (as far as I know). Sometimes, though, it feels as if I am. The state of the world; the lying, the hurting, the crap all around us…that’s on us. It’s our fault. It’s brought death to our lives. I can feel it, and if you slow down for a second I bet you can too.

Friends, when are we going to stop? Hating each other? Lying to each other? Talking down and killing others with our words? Gossiping and starting rumors? Tearing each other down…hating, killing, destroying ourselves and others…from the inside out. Is this really what we want? Are these things, deep down, really our hearts desire?

Be honest.

God wants us to grow up, to know the whole truth and tell it in love—like Christ in everything. We take our lead from Christ, who is the source of everything we do. He keeps us in step with each other. His very breath and blood flow through us, nourishing us so that we will grow up healthy in God, robust in love.

[Ephesians 4.14, 15 from the Messsage]

Love. We need to love.

I want to get this clear; I am NOT pointing my finger at you, you or you. I’m not calling anyone out. If I were, I’d be pointing 3 more fingers back at me. I’m merely putting the facts and the truth out on the table. For all to see. We are a mess and we aren’t doing much to clean up our acts. I’m the chief of sinners. I own just as much of this crap as anyone of you do. Would you take some time to pray for each other? Pray for yourselves. Pray that we could…no…that we will change.

It’s time for change. Obama was right about that. We need it. But it won’t be brought about by a new president, a new economy, a new haircut. The change, real lasting, meaningful change starts inside the hearts of the people. We need to learn to love again. Speak up in love, Act in love. Somewhere deep inside our hearts is the ability to love. Inside you and me and that guy or girl you’re always talking crap about. That smelly old homeless guy on the exit ramp every morning that we all quickly pass by, he could change everything…each of us,..could change everything if we would simply love. When will we?

I have so many struggles of my own right now, not that I’ve ever been without them, but they seem to be screaming and calling me out every chance they get. We all have crap in our lives; we all make stupid ridiculous mistakes. We live to please ourselves and climb our own individual ladders of success, however we measure it. Some of us find success in how much money we can make a year. How much junk we own. Some of us by the number of friends we have (real or on Facebook). Some of us by how “smart” we are or how many guys or girls we’ve been with. Does any of that REALLY matter? Is this what we are putting our life’s value in? Is this what we are striving for from the moment we wake up till the moment we close our eyes at night?

Stop.

Just stop.

Don’t give me that crap about it “not being that easy” or oh, maybe I’ll change next week. One more high and I’ll tone it down.

That won’t work.

I’ve tried.

You’ve tried before.

We’ve failed.

It’s time to wage a new war. It’s time to quit focusing on all the distractions, all the pleasures, all the things we think will make us happy and fight. Fight for our lives…for the lives of those around us.

It’s time to speak up, speak the truth and speak it in love. Let us not stop there though. Let’s act in love, one small action at a time. Encourage one another. Pay for someone’s drink, coffee or dinner. Give someone a good book to read. Take the time to pray with one another. Simply spend time with each other and listen. Listen.

Stop the death. Stop the killing. Let’s start truly living. Living in love.

²⁵ So stop telling lies. Let us tell our neighbors the truth, for we are all parts of the same body. ²⁶ And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.” Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, ²⁷ for anger gives a foothold to the devil.

²⁸ If you are a thief, quit stealing. Instead, use your hands for good hard work, and then give generously to others in need. ²⁹ Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.

³⁰ And do not bring sorrow to God’s Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember, he has identified you as his own, guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption.

³¹ Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. ³² Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.

[Ephesians 4.25 – 32, New Living Translation, SE]

I love you all…grace and peace. May God’s love be shown.

But I can’t forget how much this seems to fit …

Could I talk to you sometime this afternoon?
About some things I know Im reading into
Because you and me come at this differently
And I’m just trying to be honest with you

Now that I’ve found you in the most unexpected places
You were right in front of my face

You could be the one that I could hold on to forever, hold on to forever
You could be the one

Yeah, I get it
Go change the subject
But I can’t forget how much this seems to fit
When you feel this way
Everything sounds so cliche
But I’ll try to explain my side of this

Now that I’ve found you in the most unexpected places
You were right in front of my face

You could be the one that I could hold on to forever, hold on to forever
You could be the one

Maybe you are the kind that doesn’t want to say it
I should just let you be
But maybe if I spoke up that would be enough
To give my mind some peace

You could be the one that I could hold on to forever, hold on to forever
You could be
You could be the one that I could hold on to forever, hold on to forever
You could be the one, You could be the one

 

 

[Bethany Dillon, You Could Be The One]

…forgive us we have made You small…

great God greater than us all / forgive us we have made You small / God open our eyes to see / great God greater than us all / let Your people stand in awe / God we will rise up and say great God!
[Daniel Doss Band, Great God]

i’ve caught myself way too many times lately making more of me…and less of God…i lean harder on MY knowledge, on MY skills, on MY desires…striving for what I want…and in the process i find that i’m ignoring what God is doing in and around me and i end up putting Him back in the cool little box i’ve made for Him…no wonder i’ve been so “blah” lately…no wonder i haven’t been able to look up and see the glory of it all and just be struck by awe…

it really frustrates me that i keep telling myself things like, “He must become greater and greater, and I must become less and less.” [john 3.30, nlt], and reading books like Louie Giglio’s i am not but i know I AM, and C.J. Mahaney’s Humility, and i still miss the point…everyday i miss it. ugh! ha…it’s just so frustrating…i want my life to matter…to mean something…to be bigger than me!

my friend Patrick just got back from Passion where Louie Giglio and many others just straight up brought the truth…you can read in Patrick’s blog where he talks about Louie, saying:

“the 1st night (Friday) Louie talked about each of us leveraging our lives for “the most important thing of everything” = the Name & Fame of Jesus (Revelation 5). We each get a little match that burns (life) for a bunch of years & then it dwindles down & goes out. But, I wanna throw my little match in with the eternal, glorious flame of Jesus & make that flame as bright & famous as I can. Because once my match (life) has burned out, that’s the end. Just a simple talk, but a great reminder that living my life for Jesus’ fame is all that matters.”

what would Christianity look like if we considered ourselves less and less and Christ greater and greater in our lives? what would it look like if we would mean it when we say, “i know i am not, but i know I AM”? what would it look like if we all took our little matches and threw them into Christ’s glorious flame?

God, forgive us for making you so small…for glorifying ourselves when all glory and honor and majesty should be yours…all yours and only yours…let us live our lives in continual awe of you…let us rise up and say great God!

     

Words kill, words give life…

“When you talk, do not say harmful things, but say what people need—words that will help others become stronger. Then what you say will do good to those who listen to you.”
[ephesians 4.29, ncv]

In his book on Humility, C.J. Mahaney comments on this verse, writing:

Our words are intended to communicate encouragement. Our words are to edify–they should be “good for building up.” And that goes for all our speech. We’re specifically commanded to communicate “only” that which edifies.

What are edifying words?

Here’s what they’re not. They’re not simply polite words. This verse isn’t an exhortation to niceness or social protocol. And it certainly isn’t talking about flattery or about superficial words or about compliments that are man-centered or man-exalting.

Truly edifying words are words that reveal the character and the promises and the activity of God. They’re cross-centered words. They’re words rooted in and derived from Scripture, words taht identify the active presence of God, and words that communicate the evidences of grace that you observe in others. They’re words that flow from a humble heart.

We’re commanded to communicate only words like these that are good for building up another. What a sweet command! What a privilege!

i have to admit, i’ve been doing a really, REALLY bad job of this lately. i’ve been careless and even worse, wreckless with my words. i’ve said things that i haven’t meant and i’ve meant things that i haven’t said. what a fool! what an arrogant fool…i’ve been killing those i love most with my words. i seriously need to refocus and get my priorities straight again because i’ve been failing miserably at this life i’ve been given. we get one life…one shot at this. i need to make the most of it and live it well.

my friend Brian says that i should put this verse to music and make it the theme song of my life because i quote it all the time. here it is, Paul writes, “I’m not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don’t get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I’ve got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I’m off and running, and I’m not turning back” [philippians 3.12, the message]. if i’m gonna quote it so much i’d better start living up to it…i need get on my way, “well on my way, reaching out for Christ” and live this life for Him who lived His life for me.

remember, we are called, and commanded, to encourage others all day, every day…our words are powerful…our words matter. “Words kill, words give life; they’re either poison or fruit—you choose” [proverbs 18.21, the message].

UNCLEAN! UNCLEAN!

at least twice this week this story has grabbed at me, so i have to share…

A man with leprosy came and knelt in front of Jesus, begging to be healed. “If you are willing, you can heal me and make me clean,” he said.

Moved with compassion, Jesus reached out and touched him. “I am willing,” he said. “Be healed!” Instantly the leprosy disappeared, and the man was healed. Then Jesus sent him on his way with a stern warning: “Don’t tell anyone about this. Instead, go to the priest and let him examine you. Take along the offering required in the law of Moses for those who have been healed of leprosy. This will be a public testimony that you have been cleansed.”

But the man went and spread the word, proclaiming to everyone what had happened. As a result, large crowds soon surrounded Jesus, and he couldn’t publicly enter a town anywhere. He had to stay out in the secluded places, but people from everywhere kept coming to him.

[mark 1.40-45, nlt]

as i read this and heard it talked about this week, it really convicted me that i am a leper…we are all lepers…leprosy is the human condition…i’m not referring to physical leprosy where the disease eats away at your flaking, oozing skin, your eyes and nerves become damaged and eventually your entire body becomes practically useless…

i’m talking about spiritual leprosy…sin…inside we are all covered in flaky, nasty, junk…our spiritual eyes become weak and blind, our nerves get messed up and we become numb…we are all lepers running around screaming “unclean! unclean!”, not with our words but with our actions and our lives…sin is eating away at us, numbing our souls, destroying us…

in this story of Jesus healing (and cleansing) a man of leprosy we see ourselves…filthy, hurting, desperate, unclean people kneeling before Christ, begging for His touch…we want to be made whole and clean…we need to be made whole and clean…we need Jesus…

we also see faith in action here…this man KNEW that Jesus could heal him…he didn’t ask Jesus if he “could” heal him, he asked if he “would” heal him…Jesus was definately able, was He willing? of course He was, Jesus is always willing to help us when we are in need if we come to Him in faith and ask…

we all have sin to deal with…we all need Jesus’ touch to cleanse us…whatever it is…greed, lust, anger, resentment, pride, whatever…we need healing…we are all lepers…but we can all be clean…

go to Jesus in faith…ask for His help, His forgiveness, His strength and wisdom to step up and move on…He is able AND willing…are you?

an interesting side note…at the end of this story we see that Jesus tells the man not to run around and tell anyone what He just did (v. 44) but what does he do? he goes and runs his mouth and tells EVERYONE (v. 45)…kinda funny how when Jesus calls us to be “fishers of men” (matthew 4.19) and to spread the word to EVERYONE (matthew 28.16-20, luke 24.44-49, acts 1.4-8, tons of others…) we just keep our mouths shut…and we tell no one…i’m just as guilty as anyone else is…maybe it’s time we start shouting this love from the rooftops and let the world hear of this amazing grace, this amazing love that we have in Jesus

…we both know that I could think myself dizzy…

I’d be lying through my teeth if I told you
That I’m ok
July came, I thought I had it all together
Until you said
“I need some space”
Truth be told
It’s so hard to wait

One eye on the clock
And one on the phone
It’s 5:19….
I’m feeling alone
If I could talk to you
I’d want you to know
that holding loose
Ain’t letting go.

We both know that I could think myself dizzy
Right now I’m spinning around
You said, “baby, don’t worry”
But I just miss you right now
I said, I miss you right now

One eye on the clock
And one on the phone
It’s 5:19….
I’m feeling alone
If I could talk to you
I’d want you to know
that holding loose
Ain’t letting go.

Baby, take all the time you need
I just want you to know
I’ll be here, waiting

With one eye on the clock
And one on the phone
It’s 5:19….
I’m feeling alone
If I could talk to you
I’d want you to know
That holding loose
Ain’t letting go.

…Ain’t letting go

[Matt Wertz, 5:19]

just a good song… and the title line to the blog fits me a little too well… i’m closing tonight and bored… no time to blog tho… oh well, back to work!

ct

addiction…

ad·dic·tion
[uh-dik-shuhn]
function: nounthe state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming, as narcotics, to such an extent that its cessation causes severe trauma.
[from dictionary.com]

i have an addiction. i like fonts. lots and lots of fonts. i have 999 on this desktop [thanks to dafont.com!]… and i wouldn’t mind having twice that. now if only i had adobe illustrator or some other suite [sweet] graphic design kit i could go to town and have some fun with them all… oh well… just thought i’d confess and get this off my chest. i am addicted to fonts.

i’m out… have a goodnight all!

ct

“I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I’ve ever known.”
[Walt Disney]

… poor Walt…

i hate waking up feeling like this…

i’ll give my usual disclaimer for this one: if all this doesn’t make any sense, i’m not surprised…

but i hate mornings like today… i have no idea if this is a common thing, or if it’s just one of those weird things that makes me who i am… i can’t remember if i actually had any dreams or what, but i feel like everyone hates me… it makes no sense because i know it’s not true, at least not blatantly true becuase i haven’t had any arguements with anyone lately, i just woke up this morning and felt like those closest to me can’t stand me and even border line hate me… hopefully i have a good day and all this will be long forgotten before lunch… oh well… i gotta get ready to leave… hope everyone has a great day…

ct

ps. pray for our high school students who are in Maine right now on a missions trip… they took 2 church vans up and yesterday at some point one of them lost it’s transmission… not sure if they’ll get it fixed or just rent a different van to drive home this weekend…